The last thing on my mind

Why this deep sorrow? fear and anxiety surrounds me, why it is so hard to feel loved? such a complex mind, How I wish to rest and forget this illness, to run and feel that beautiful sensation of freedom. 

To reach my hand and trust the one I love; without the traumas, disorders, medicines, with an open mind not inviting or even luring death into our minds.

How am i going to get through the next hour with such feeling of desperation, so needy. This illness can be so overwhelming, I do not wish to be define by it, I which to overcome, and words, journals, writings give me solace and the liberty to say what others don’t want to hear.

Am I happy? Am I sad? Am I both? rapid cycling, mania, these are the last things on my mind.

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