The perfect timing…the wrong reasons…loneliness, mania, feeling unwanted, a sense of relief as I felt the sharp knife on my skin, the pain was finally leaving the body.
In a sense we all feel we are special, different from other people as our perceptions grow deeper, in a way, to see the different colors of life that no one else bothers to see. But what happens when the people you love and trust the most are in a way tired of you? Let’s explore my findings shall we?
It is important to share some background carefully otherwise I might fall into a deeper state of depression.
I was born on July 31st 1982, in the beautiful city of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Apparently I was not ready to see the light, and the doctors had to pulled me out of my comfortable zone. There I was, in my mother’s arms, we both have gone through so much even before I was born. Did I felt my father’s fist when he beat my mother while pregnant? not sure, but I had to live with his violent nature for 7 years.
We lived in my grandmother’s house, those early memories of my childhood are not pleasant. My only escape was music and books. I could go this place where the pain was no longer there, where the memory of seeing my Dad naked raping my mother while she screamed in agony was a thing of the past. I became withdrawn, shy, reclusive, lonely. Little I knew things would turn for the worse when I was sexually molested before I started school. And still I knew I was a dreamer, and those sweet melodies would play in my head to ease any sense of guilt, or depression.
Should I pull the knife and have the guts to ended it all? I have so much to say, but who wants to read these endless miserable thoughts?